Your site

This Blog Post is from Last Year.  It was/is so good I decided to  re-post.

Married or Single, there’s something in here for YOU

I find myself this year, pretty much in the same happy space.  Enjoying being content with being single, and enjoying the fact that Valentine’s Day  will not make or break my heart.  The only difference this year, is that I ACTUALLY have a date.  I will be taking  Baby Zion my grandson to breakfast.  What more could a girl want.

Today is a GREAT day to just tell those you love, you love them.  It doesn’t have to be Hallmark, it doesn’t have to be a romantic person, just tell someone you love them.

Hope you enjoy this post.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Oh Valentine’s Day, Valentine’s Day, how I have loved you and hated you.

Do you remember Valentine’s Day as a kid?  You could hardly wait to get to school and do the Valentine “swap”.  We used to make our little valentine holders the day before.  This usually consisted of construction paper, paints and crayons.  We’d take the construction paper, fold it in half to make a pocket, glue or staple it, and then we would decorate it.  My favorite was when we took red construction paper strips and weaved them through the white paper making a “basket” kind of look.  Then we’d hang them up on the wall, and we would do the exchange.  As I got older, I got even more excited.  Because I was always secretly hoping the boy I had a crush on would be putting a little extra something special on my card.  Maybe one of those hearts that said “I love you”.  Oh, it was such fun, especially if it turned out I like I had hoped it would.  And P.S., it seldom did.

I’m not sure there is any holiday that brings such romantic emotion to the human soul as Valentine’s Day.   If you are in a relationship,  your partner (i.e., spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend) is supposed to shower you with their love and let you know EXACTLY how they feel about you.  If you are single, you cry because you don’t “got nobody to love”.  It’s all about what you think you’re gonna get for Valentine’s Day. And  I would guess that there will be a whole bunch of people disappointed today.

This day has somehow turned into a RECEIVING day, and not a GIVING day.  We spend all our time thinking about what we are going to Get.  Is “he” going to remember?  Is “he” going to live up to my expectation?  Am I going to get to be the girl in the office who gets the big bouquet of roses?  Truth is, it is a Lovely Day to tell others how you feel about them.  But, it in no way should really have any major impact on the emotional state of our being.

I think I’ve done Valentine’s Day every way possible.  I’ve been showered with gifts and I’ve cried for hours for lack of said gifts.  I’ve had flowers and I have had NO flowers.  I’ve been “wined and dined”, and I’ve been forgotten.  I have felt loved, and I have felt rejected.  In the last 10 years I think I could write the book about Valentine’s Day.   It seems there has always been some romantic attachment going on , whether it be good or bad, hopeful or sad, real or imaginary, there’s always been some guy to think about.

This year I like Valentine’s Day in a new way.  I’m not waiting to see what I get.  This year I was so excited to make Kai gluten free cookies.  I loved tucking Austin’s Valentine’s card in his lunch along with his favorite Dark Chocolate.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to send Zion (the new grandson soon to be born),  lots of cute socks with puppy dog tales, and blue and white stripes.  Oh, and I finally remembered to buy a card for my mom out in CA., and for the first year I think she just might get it on time.  It’s not that I don’t give little gifts every year, because I do.  But this year, there is NO anticipation of what I might receive from that special someone, and it feels liberating.     This year, it’s ENOUGH, more than enough to know that I am giving and that’s all I need.

I have to be honest though, I did buy myself something.   I’m no longer waiting for someone else to make me happy;  I have the ability and the strength to be grateful for who I am,  and I am grateful and happy to be Alive.

I bought MYSELF some flowers. Don’t get me wrong, I hope someday that I will get flowers sent to me again.  But,   I don’t want to spend any more hours waiting for Mr. Right, while I’m with Mr. Wrong.

Be of Good Cheer.  This day does not tell you who you are.  It does not even mean that you are not loved, even if it feels you are not. I know there is often hurt attached.  I know it is hurtful to watch someone you love be with someone else. I know that you may wish you were in a relationship.  I know that it can feel lonely. But, I also know that we have the power to love ourselves with a love that we have never known.  I know that the real love begins with us.  And this is a perfect day to begin to know who you are inside out.

If you are in a relationship and you feel neglected, lonely, or miserable maybe today would be a good day to stop thinking about what you are NOT getting, and write down some things that you ARE getting.  You might be surprised to find more things that you are getting than you remember.  If I could do one thing over in my marriage of 23 years, I have to be vulnerable and say………I wish I had spent more time tallying up the good things instead of all the bad things my partner did. Maybe your partner is waiting to see what YOU are going to give him/her.  Maybe you need to be the giver today and NOT just the receiver.

Jesus said “love your neighbor as yourself”.  I believe it so strongly.  Love who you are.  Don’t wait for someone to tell you how great you are.  Believe it for YOU.  Own it for YOU.  And NOW…….

Now Go out and buy yourself some flowers if you haven’t received any.

or,

take your baby grandson to breakfast,

or,

get a pedicure, manicure, or anything else that YOU feel you need today.

or,

Maybe you can be lucky enough to sit home, get the remote, and watch a great movie.

With love,

Carolyn

Today was a beautiful day in Indiana.  My Gypsy Living has brought me back to  Indiana for a spell.  I spent a month in Florida over the holidays. To say the weather was beautiful in FL would be putting it mildly. 

But, today, its all about Indiana, and it really is beautiful. I’ve had to laugh quite a bit this past week, because everyone keeps going on and on about the beautiful weather here in Indiana.  Myself included.  Truth is we are all excited because it has been an unusually warm winter, such as often 50-55 degrees outside.  Mind you, its still very dull, grey, and not exactly inviting. But, its warmer than average, thus, it meaning it is beautiful weather. 

But, today, we were told there would be a high of 58, and it was sunny outside.  It was a PERFECT day to take the little Z on a walk.  I was so excited, I haven’t really been out for a walk with him in months.

We walked to a park, a really pretty park.  Well, let me say, in the Fall with the beautiful leaves it is spectacular.  When there is snow in the winter it is spectacular, and in the summer when it is green it is spectacular.  Today, not so much beauty.  But, we have sun, that is the important piece here.  And besides, ducks, and streams of water are always beautiful no matter what. 

I bundled up Baby Z, and we walked, and we walked, and we walked some more, enjoying every minute.

The whole path was over 2 miles, which is a long ways for me, (yay).   Since my accident 2 years ago my leg has not been too mobile. I really push myself hard to get out there and work it.  I still have pain, and my body hurts, but I am determined.  

Along the way I started feeling kind of cold, and I was thinking maybe I really am a floridian snob.  Maybe I have become one of those that can’t stand a bit of chill in the air. I certainly hoped not.  

I kept noticing that others had ear muffs on, and were far more bundled  than I was.  Baby Z was all toasty warm in his blankets and his favorite giraffy blankie, but I was really starting to feel cold on my nose, even though my body was warm from the fast walking.

I decided to see how cold it really was.  So I checked my IPHONE.  Wow, low and behold it was 41 outside.  It REALLY was cold.  I wasn’t a prissy floridian after all;  I was actually a hoosier who didn’t dress accordingly and I trusted the weatherperson. (All I wore was a long sleeve t-shirt, with a light padded vest over it).

QUESTION:  If I had known it was only 41 degress outside, would I have taken Baby Z on this beautiful walk.   ANSWER:  NO. I would not have gone.  Would have thought, “oh, thats just a bit too cold for Baby Z (which is a joke, because he’s bundled and doesn’t care), but it would have been a great excuse to just stay cozy inside.  Just think of what I would have missed.  I loved walking.  I loved the fresh air.  I loved watching Zion take it all in.  I loved the exercise, I rejoiced the whole way that I was able to walk.  I loved feeling free, and getting clear in my head.  I would have missed all of this and more.  And I would have missed it because I would have thought it was too tough to do in 41 degree weather.

It  made me realize how much good stuff I miss out on because I “think” its going to be too hard, or I “think” I know how its going to be.  My fears get the best of me.  What if I went through life and I wasn’t so afraid.  I think sometimes the statement:  “ignorance is bliss” just may not always be so bad. We are far more capable than we think we are, we are stronger than we think we are, and we are able to endure far more than we could ever imagine, if we only push ourselves a bit more.

The whole walk I kept thinking I was a bit more winded than I thought I should be, I was beating myself up that I felt a certain fatigue, and I was disappointed in my physical state. Funny how quickly things changed when I saw 41.  All of a sudden I felt like a trooper; I felt like someone that was really pushing through to enjoy a nice winter walk.  I felt like I was one smart grandma for taking her grandson out for some fresh air.  

Think about all the experiences you miss out on for FEAR of what you perceive to be too tough.  Go take a walk and enjoy the weather, even if its cold.  Walk through your challenges with BOLDNESS.  And stay warm while you are doing it.  The result if far better than you can imagine.

The Snow is beginning to fall this morning.  Its a beautiful snow.  This was just the beginning.

  There’s nothing like a clean, fresh and new snow.

Since I am a Gypsy right now, this snow is really fun for me,  I’ve beeen living in FL the past 8 years.  And they all think I’m crazy for loving the snow.  But, you have to admit snow falling from the sky, making everything white really is charming, and beautiful.  And I am ALL ABOUT charming and beautiful.

Speaking of charming and beautiful, check this little guy out.  I get to spend the day with him, on this beautiful fresh fallen snow day.

Living a Gypsy Life can get tiring. I’m living out of suitcases right now, choosing to live a different kind of life for a bit.  I’m helping take care of my precious grandson ZION.

Life is funny.  Here I am the grandma, and I’m getting the golden opportunity to be with Zion right now.  Here he is tugging at my legs while I write this.  I remember the days so well, when I was the stay at home momma, and my kids tugged at my legs.  Sometimes I have a hard time enjoying this moment because my daughter Vanessa wishes they were her legs that he was tugging.  And, to be honest, I have a full time coaching business, and at times it doesn’t fit into my schedule.  But, for now this works for everyone. And, I have to admit, I think I’m the better for it.

Today I woke up feeling a bit unorganized.  My clothes are all over the floor since returning from FL for the holidays.  My lap top is still in the shop, and so I’m borrowing a computer that I’m not as comfortable with.  I am choosing a Gyspy Life right now, with no permanent home, car or real office.  There are more than a few times, I wake up and I say “what the heck are you doing”? Then it Snows, then Zion shows off his new teeth and grins from ear to ear.   Then I KNOW exactly what I’m doing.

The snow reminds me that there are Seasons of weather.  Zion’s new teeth remind me that there are Seasons in life as well.  Being a Gypsy, and a grandma has allowed me to enjoy both of these Seasons today.

I don’t want to miss a thing.  I don’t want to judge my day by how much I accomplished. .  That is not to say we don’t need to accomplish things.  But, I want to enjoy my season of being a Gypsy, just like Zion is enjoying his new bottom front teeth.  I want to be proud of the lesser obvious things. I want to sincerely start judging my days by what I OBSERVED, by who I LOVED, by how PRESENT I was, and did I EMBRACE it all.

It has taken me about 90 minutes to write this.  It had just started to snow, Zion was crawling all over me, having such a good time, showing off his teeth, picking dust balls off the floor and standing tall.

Now look what has changed in 1 hour.

Did I LOVE today?

Did I OBSERVE today?

Was I PRESENT today?

Did I EMBRACE today?

ENOUGH SAID

IT ALL CHANGES IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

Yes, 2011 had many wonderful things, and yet, I know that I am not the only one that is sayingI am glad glad 2011 is over.  I hear it ALL the time.  So many people have been having rough times it seems. Financially its tough. Work is scarce, people seem to be depressed, loved ones are stressed out, marriages are worn out, and I personally have seen many deaths, and sad losses.  It seems many of us are worn out. This past year I have worked very very hard to get physically strong again, get a better mental outlook and reclaim my life.

This is the mark of a sweet kiss from Zion’s mommy.  She came home for lunch and it just mourns her that she has to leave him.  Zion is my grandson, Vanessa is my daughter.  She teaches ART, but her real heart is home with Baby Z.

Yeah, I think he likes her a lot as well.

This whole gypsy life living has its perks along with some of the obvious misgivings.  But, wow, to be able to stay home with this little guy is a JOY more than I could ever dream.

When I first started out on this Gypsy Life I figured I would only be gone a couple of months. I live in FL, put all my stuff on storage and hit the road.  Baby Z lives in Indiana.  I’ve already been away from Florida for a couple of months now give or take a few weeks.

Mark, my son-in-law is working on his Master’s Degree, and Vanessa is an elementary art teacher.  Mark will be done in Dec.  So, it made sense for me to just stay a bit longer helping with the full time of Baby Z so he doesn’t have to go into DayCare.  This is the beauty of the Gypsy Life.  I work from my home, and I can call HOME wherever I choose it to be.

Mark and I share the daytime shift with Zion.  Some days I work more, and some days Mark works more.  By work I mean, he on his schoolwork, and I on my Coaching Business.  www.carolyngillcoaching.com

Do you ever wake up some days and realize that all the hard work, pain, and disappointments of life have brought you right to where you need to be?  I believe this is one of those times for me.  I realize that these days with baby Z will never be replaced.  I will never ever be able to have them again.  I would never have imagined that a year ago I would be spending this much time with him.

I have gotten to spend so much time with Kai Kai in FL, for the past 3 years, and now I get to be with Zion.  I miss Kai terribly.  When I’m with Kai I miss Zion, when I’m with Zion I miss Kai. A dance I’ve grown to know very well.

I’m finding out that I am the NEW grandparent.  This generation has more grandparents involved in their grandchildren’s lives than in past times, for lots of reasons.  Daycare is expensive,  parents don’t trust daycare, Children of divorce leaving both parents having to work, and teenagers having babies.  My heart aches for some grandparents because I can’t imagine being a full time parent/grandparent.

I do love the fact though, that we are becoming again a society where family is having to “rally” together.

That’s what we’re doing over here.  We’re rallying.

Vanessa and Mark are rallying for me.  And I am rallying for them.  A beautiful circle.  A circle born out of misery and pain from my falling accident.

To me the greatest BLESSING of all is when you can see what Beauty is restored from Brokenness.  And this Gypsy Life of mine is producing some pretty amazing MOMENTS.  Moments that would not have happened had I not literally Broken my Leg.  Its about finding Beauty in ALL of life.

On days that I miss my “stuff”,,,, I am so aware that I have all that I need.  Not just my family, my grandchildren, friends etc.  But I, ME have all that I need.  I am finding such new Peace in WHO I am and what I have to offer, and also what I don’t have to offer, and being ok, with it.

First things FIRST.  I WANT Members.  I’m not gonna lie, I want my blog to GROW.  Please sign up as a member, or sign up to Receive by email.  And I would really appreciate your passing my blog on to friends that you think might enjoy reading my blog.  I am going to be writing much much more, and I’m ready!!!!!  It would really help me out.  Because you all know, a Book is in the future, so all memberships help.  he he.

So……The Gypsy Life is still moving along.  Last week was a tough week.  I had Buster to worry about, and I was homesick.  Feels kind of odd sometimes to say I’m homesick.  There’s a part of me that NEVER “owns” a state.  I mean, come on, I’ve lived in 7 states and have lived in 32 different homes.  So, “homesick” has always felt kind of odd.  I grew up in CA, and it used to be that when I said “homesick” it was always for “home”….CA.

Now, I don’t even have a House,  I have my things stored in a storage unit.

But, yes, I was/am homesick.  My family is MY home.  I AM MY HOME.  I am missing Buster, Adam, Penny, Kai Kai, and Austin.  When I am in Florida I miss Vanessa, Mark, and Zion.  And now that I’m here I miss all my family in Florida.  Such is life.  I have lived with missing someone my whole life with all the moves.  But you never ever get used to it.  How can you get used to it?  Its of the heart, its about loving people, its about missing a human that is dear and that you love.  No, I don’t ever get used to it, but I appreciate what I have, and I am grateful for the love that I feel for the ones that I miss.  Then I am sure to give ZION a big kiss on the cheek and remember that there was a time I was missing him just as much.

In the midst of a tough week Vanessa decided to put on a dinner.  Well, that’s kind of funny, because Vanessa works hard all week, and doesn’t get home often until 5 or so.  The dinner is at 6:30…..who do you think is REALLY the one doing the dinner.  Well, I will give her credit, she came up with the menu, and she did buy the groceries, that’s a least 1/2 the battle.

But when it comes to decorations, it is assumed that Momma will do the deed.

I’m not gonna lie.  I am most myself when I’m creating, and designing and putting together magical moments.  I absolutely feel most in my element.

So, what a welcome task to create a dinner for Vanessa and her friends.  On my Gypsy Life the things I miss most are my “creative materials”……V is my daughter so she has some pretty good stuff too that she’s picked up along the way.  I was so thrilled to put this together.

I will soon do a blog on some of my creations.  I guess that part of me has kind of been dormant for a few years, only showing its beautiful head occasionally.  I am finding on this journey of mine, that I simply MUST find ways to fuel this creative part of me.  It IS the thing that brings me JOY and LIFE, and it allows me to feel INSPIRED.

What a beautiful Fall night.  Good friends, Good wine, and a little baby that got to stay up past his bedtime to enjoy the Fun.

Oh, yeah,  the MENU.

Spaghetti squash, with sauteed onions, garlic and diced tomatoes.  Feta cheese added at the end, along with minced black olives and fresh basil from Mark’s basil plant.  So FABULOUS.

Stuffed large portabello mushrooms with cheese and tomatoes.

A lovely field greens salad with toasted almonds, avocados, and cherry tomatoes with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, mixed with italian herbs.

And lots of other goodies brought by friends, wine, fresh fruit, homemade zucchini bread, blueberry/cranberry bread, cookies from local bakery and fabulous bread.

Yep it was a night that was good for this Gypsy Soul.

As I write this my precious dog Buster is going into surgery. They have found he has testicular cancer.He is to have some major surgery today.  Buster has been my friend, and companion for over 5 years.  He seriously laid at my feet for over 2 years as I have healed from my major accident.

Today, the Gypsy Life is feeling unsettling and I’m missing him.  I had to leave Buster for this crazy Gypsy Life I am now living.  I miss him so much, and I hate the fact that I won’t be there to help nurse him back to recovery.  My son Adam and Penny and precious Kai Kai get the honor.

If you are not a dog lover, then you can move on from here, because you may not even have understood any of what I just said. Ha.

I’m missing Austin as well. He’s in college, but he came home last week to Florida.  It was the first time he came “home” and I wasn’t there.  This picture is the essence of my life in Florida,  Austin with his girlfriend Lauren, both of them loving on Buster, and me serving tea time for everyone.

Ahhh, Buster….

So, life continues on in my Gypsy World.

Today, I wait to see how he is.  So, I sit here with my famous Tetley Tea, I write, I wait for the phone call.  Hopefully all is well.

I know Steve Jobs died yesterday, and this seems so small in so many ways.  Steve died of cancer, what an incredible man.  And here I am writing about my DOG.

BUT……What I KNOW about life is that it is OURS.  Ours to live, and ours to experience.  We spend so much time denying how we feel for fear that someone has it worse.  Of course Steve Jobs’ family has it worse today.  But we aren’t talking about Worse, we are talking about my dog Buster, who I fear may too be dying and its my journey for today.  And it would be a great loss.  It would be MY loss.